Following on from my post about stay-at-home-dads, I’ve had a rummage around a few websites and blogs for some reassuring words...

Take five

Or should I say grab five! These tips are brief, so you can blitz through them. The following advice is general, because, no two babies are the same, everyone’s in a different situation and we all have our own ways of parenting. (Recommended accompliment for this read - a cup of tea and several biscuits.)

Avoid loneliness

Realistically, there aren’t the same numbers of fathers who stay at home with their children as there are mothers who stay at home with their children. The support network isn’t the same for Dads, there’s certainly not such an obvious community in existence, and this leaves a lot of potential for isolation.

• One solution might be the online community, there are sites such as Dad at home. Though you might not meet as many stay-at-home-dads as you might like in person, don’t forget the virtual world. These are potential places to make connections, share experiences and advice. 

• Blogs are a great thing to read, the content has generally been written from personal experience, or relevant resources have been conveniently gathered together in one place. Blogs contain personality and reality, making for a more accessible and reassuring read than, perhaps, a handbook might. There's also the opportunity to ask questions, interact with the blogger and with the other commentators.

Get out and about

Don’t pace around the house. If it is dry, and not too cold, then get outside, even if only in the garden or for a walk around the block. It will be a breather for you and for baby, and it may just be the light at the end of the my baby won’t stop crying tunnel.

Prioritise

If, for example, you are trying run a business from home, your priorites will need to change. The business may, temporarily, have to take a back seat.

• Business or no business everyone will have to adjust their priorities. Dividing your attention between computer and baby is unlikely to work, as you'll be unable to fully concentrate on either task, and you'll become frustrated. Hard as it might be, ignore the mobile phone and the email. You could always have an allotted time when you check them, maybe when Mum's home, instead of trying to multi-task and failing on both levels! 

• I'm not completely ruling out multitasking, and I'm more than aware that it's something men are normally given stick for not being very good at. So I'm going to encourage and be positive about its endless possibilities... For example, I think, doing a bit of tidying up would go hand in hand with rocking baby to sleep. This also introduces an added bonus of keeping Mum happy too. 

A sensitive approach to Mum

Busy as you've been with baby, Mum has also been at work all day, and when she walks through the door, she’s likely to be tired and perhaps slightly irritable. This may or may not have something to do with the fact that you have been at home with baby (Obviously a huge job in itself) and she's been at work, or simply that it's been a long day at work...

• She might not want to be bombarded the minute she walks through the door. As much as she will be genuinely interested to hear every snippet of your day's news, it’s about the timing and sensitivity in how you deliver the news. For some reason, writing this has reminded me of The Good Wife’s Guide, published in Housekeeping Monthly on the 13th May 1955, in particular the line, Don’t greet him with complaints and problems, which refers to the moment when husband steps through the front door after a long day at work. The attitudes inherent in the article are obviously extremely dated, but it makes for an amusing read, and I’m assuming some of it's transferable in terms of being The Good Husband!

• There might be the odd day when Mum comes home and without so much as a hello, completely skips over everything you have done during the day, and starts pointing out everything you haven’t done; tidying up, cleaning, washing etc. Try not to take these offhand comments personally. It is common for both parties to think the grass is greener, and that it would be nice to be in the other person's role. That is up until we actually step into their shoes and go – oh.  You can’t compare looking after baby and going to work, they are worlds apart and carry different strains and stresses. 

Ask for help, and accept it

No one should have to cope single handedly if they don't have to. Accept help. From all the blogs I've read, this is the advice that reoccurs the most. A lot of men (and women) said that the help was there, but the hardest part was accepting it. Let people help, whether it's friends, loved ones or neighbours. It might be advice or someone just offering to give you a break. If you're feeling refreshed, you will notice the ever-widening smiles, and be more likely to savour precious moments, without becoming overwhelmed by nappy changes, feeding times and crying.

Photo credits:  Via Flickr  -  Meagan and Jeanine&preston

Scrapbooking is a great way of recording key moments in your baby’s life. Selecting those key moments is up to you, and there is no right or wrong way of doing this.

Where to start

If you have trouble getting started, try and keep in mind the scrap element of scrapbooking, so as not to restrict yourself. Nothing has to be set in stone. At the end of the day, pages can always be recreated, removed or torn out. In times of creative despair, try not to be too much of a perfectionist, and remind yourself who the book is for - for you and, one day, your child. Regardless of how much time you choose to spend creating the scrapbook, it should be fun and relaxing, not stressful. The finished product is important, but the more you can enjoy the making of it, the more satisfying and meaningful the whole process will be. And as it could take years to put together, it is worth making it a past time, and not a chore.

Set realistic targets

Set yourself some targets, it helps keep up the momentum and motivation, and it means you always have something to work towards. But, do be prepared to fall behind every now and again, and don’t punish yourself if you do. Ultimately, if you don’t allow yourself time to make the memories then you will have one very empty scrapbook.

Map out your scrapbook

Don’t put yourself under too much pressure. An occasion or event might trigger some sort of scrapbook inspiration when you are short of time, but as long as you scribble down some notes and put aside any pictures, souvenirs etc, then you can work on the finer details when you do have the time and energy to commit to it. You'll just be adding to your bank of potential scrapbook material.  It is also an opportunity to map out the scrapbook and make decisions on the order and layout. If you are creating a timeline of your baby or child growing up, and you want pages to appear chronologically, then you could mark up potential pages so you can come back to them.  Inspiration and ideas for some pages may come to you more easily than others, but don’t restrict yourself by thinking that you have to create the pages in the order that you want them to appear. If you have any sort of creative surge – just go with it!

Types of scrapbook

• Digital scrapbooking. This usually involves some sort of software, such as StoryBook Creator 3.0 or Photomix Digital, both free to download. These programs help you to organise photos according to subject, theme, event or date, ideal if you have all of your photos stored online. They also provide thousands of potential themes and digital scrapbook layouts.

• Traditional scrapbooking. There is an unlimited range of albums, scrapbooking papers, embellishments and tools. It might be best to start with a kit and then grow your collection from there. Basic kits are generally themed and include; papers, stickers and an ideas book. However, if you know what you want then go online or to a shop and put together your own kit. Be warned, there is a lot to choose from, and there will always a new must have gadget or scrapbooking tool.

Tips

• Start keeping hold of any ribbons, embellishments or paper from gift wrapping, wedding invitations etc, anything that might stand even a remote chance of being put to creative use.
• Collect any handmade cards you receive, they can provide a lot of inspiration for scrapbook pages, especially in terms of general design ideas, colour schemes and layouts.
• If you really don’t know where to start, a good introduction might be a scrapbooking class. There is no need to sign up for a course, you can just go to a one off session and get some tips and ideas.
• There are tons of books and magazines with ideas and themes, as well as the online library that is the internet. If anything, there is too much information. A good thing to do is adapt ideas or themes, simplify them or just add your own twist.

A seasonal idea

Flower pressing.  Pressed flowers are a really nice, simplistic touch. And now is the best time to pick them, while the colourful summer flowers are in bloom.  They work best when picked fresh. Alternatively, for an even deeper meaning, you could just choose whatever flower is in season at the time of your baby’s birth. There is no need to go out and buy a flower press, when heavy, hardback books work just as well.  It’s recommended that you place the flowers between two sheets of paper, before sandwiching them in between two heavy books (or amongst the the pages of a single book), and then it’s just a case of waiting a couple of weeks.

It's never too late to start

My Mum has just started compiling a scrapbook for me. In her retirement she has combined a newfound love of card making with having more time to wade through boxes of dusty photographs that she’s had hoarded away for years. So, if you do suddenly find yourself several years down the line, and running several years behind, then making a scrapbook when your baby has grown up is an alternative option.

Photo credits: Scrapbooking images, dada and t-love, used with permission from RellyAB Dorsolateral via Flickr

With a picture of your baby, Little One Prints can personalise your thank you card on the outside. Why not try injecting some of your personality into the inside...

Stuck for words?

It’s easy to play it safe when writing thank you cards, particularly if trying to compose a message in a hurry, or, if it’s been an embarrassingly long time since the gift was received.  Everyone has their own fixed formulas, which they fall back on now and again, mostly, when they’ve put themselves under immense pressure to ‘come up with something good to write.’  By good, I mean original, maybe even funny. In most cases the standard message tends to open with thank you, closely followed by a polite comment about the recieved present. And then, particularly if writing to a distant relative, there’s a fair amount of padding out, maybe a brief family-news-related comment or two, a we’ve been up to this or, we’ve been up to that. The message usually closes with a polite hope all is well with you or a hope to see you soon.  I’ve definitely written a thank you card or two of a similar ilk, but I’m sure there’s potential to move away from the more formal message writing and write a card that’s not only more original but more personal.

Find something worth saying

In order to make thank you cards seem less mass-produced, place more emphasis on who you are sending the card to. The chances are you’re sending cards to a lot of people though, so realistically you do need to be able to duplicate the message. A way to get around this is to make what you are saying interesting, even better make it relevant...

Tell a short story about baby

You don’t have to be a whizz with words, a poet or a comedian. Just tell a simple a story. There is such a phenomenon as ‘flash fiction’, which is essentially a micro-story, just a very short story. There’s bound to have been a moment within your first few weeks as new parents that is worth sharing!  Just keep in mind - write the highlights and cut the waffle. Think of the story as more of an anecdote, a short account of an interesting or humorous incident. It might be an idea to write a quick, rough draft to begin with, give yourself a chance to run the story over in your head, before putting pen to paper on the actual card.

An example of a short story:

When Isaac met Henry...

By Henry, I mean the hoover. Forget musical mobiles, when Jake starts crying, Henry's switched on and (sigh) silence is upon us once more. Only downside is we do have to keep the hoover running for a while, which isn't ideal for the neighbours at 2 in the morning!

Include a quotation or anecdote

There are quite a lot of unconvincing, overused quotes and sayings flying around.  For every one of these, I can assure you, there is a gem. The trick is finding these rare beauties, which can take a bit of looking around, but once you have found one that you like, you can include it in every card. Voila.  Quotations and anecdotes are a matter of personal taste, here are a couple that I managed to find...

Kindness in words, creates confidence
Kindness in thinking, creates profoundness.
Kindness in giving, creates love.

Mud puddles and Dandelions

When I look at a patch of dandelions, I see a bunch of weeds that are going to take over my yard. My kids see flowers for Mum and blowing white fluff you can wish on.
When I feel the wind on my face, I brace myself against it. I feel it messing up my hair and pulling me back when I walk. My kids close their eyes, spread their arms and fly with it, until they fall to the ground laughing.
When I see a mud puddle, I step around it. I see muddy shoes and dirty carpets. My kids sit in it. They see dams to build, rivers to cross and worms to play with.

Poetry

There is a lot of decent, contemporary poetry that is accessible to all readers. The key with selecting or writing a poem for a card is, again, to keep it short.

Here's a quick acrostic poem I came up with, thanking friends for their gift to baby Jake:

To begin,
How are you?
Ahhh – is Isaac,
No sleep – is us,
Kind of chaotic – is life.

Your gift is great, thank you,
Our translation – Isaac’s noise!
Until he can say ‘thank you’ himself.

The wild card

Just one final and rather modern-technology focused idea. You could record a short video message, upload it to YouTube (It’s possible do this for private viewing, so the whole world cannot see it) and finally, write the link address in your card.

Some other useful resources

Visit a card, gift shop or WHSmiths. They often have small books of sayings and quotes.

• Go online, there’s tons of quotes, anecdotes and poems available
• There are specifically labelled collections of ‘short poems.’ Have a look in your local bookshop, library or go online. The poets.org website might be a good place to start.
• Sometimes, just looking at the messages on the front or inside of bought cards can give you ideas or inspiration.

The core message is – allow yourself to be open minded, adventurous and have more trust in your creative instinct. Whether or not you find a message or write one yourself, these suggestions will hopefully result in a card that you’re really pleased with, and one that hasn’t actually taken you any longer to write.

If you’re wary of being more experimental, then you can keep it simple and just write what you feel comfortable with in the main section of the card. But, there is definitely nothing to stop you from including a separate message on the other side of the card, the side that’s usually, rather disappointingly, left blank!

Photo credit -  Pen and Print - David Herbers Hammer Photography

They say one human year is the equivalent to seven dog years. This would make my dog, Scrap, 70 years old. Pretty old really, when you consider a 2-day-old screaming baby is soon to enter the house. Prior to my baby’s arrival, this was a big concern for me - Just how well was old dog going to mix with new born?

Scrap is a laid back dog, to say the least, but, ultimately animals and children are both unpredictable. As the great comedian, W. C. Fields said ‘never work with children or animals’, a line which has come into my mind many a time during previous encounters with friends pets or little ones... So here are a few suggestions I followed to try and maintain the harmony!

Prior to baby’s arrival...

• An animal is like a child in many respects and everyone, I’m guessing, tries to treat their children fairly. So, I was keen to make sure I didn’t suddenly take all my attention away from Scrap. In the weeks leading up to my baby’s arrival, I gradually gave Scrap a bit less attention, making sure I didn’t cut him out completely. This allowed him a bit more time to adjust to not being the centre of attention.

•  I was lucky that Scrap, being an OAP, was unlikely to jump up or be too boisterous with my new arrival.  But I can understand that dog’s energy levels would be a concern for people with younger or spritelier dogs.  From what I have read, it’s suggested that you ring in the changes as far in advance as possible before baby comes home.  In other words, it’s a good excuse to get round to that dog training, to try and put a stop to jumping up, nibbling, or any other bad habits that your dog might have picked up.

•  If your dog normally sleeps in what’s soon to become the baby’s bedroom, or in a place where the baby is going to spend a lot of time, then move the dog’s bed elsewhere, get it used to other surroundings as soon as possible.

I have to confess I didn’t personally try these last two, but they might be worth a shot...

• Make a tape recording of a crying infant and play this at a gradually increased voulme whilst practicing obedience commands with your dog.

• Dogs are all about smells, so try presenting your dog with a blanket that has your baby’s scent on it, allowing it the time to add the smell to its sniff radar.

The key seems to be preparation. Easier said than done though, when you already have a ‘list of things to do before baby is born’ as long as your arm. I was lucky in that Scrap is a very tolerant, and also quite hard of hearing! I would say it might be trickier with a baby and a puppy, but all the same as long as you err on the side of caution and don’t leave your dog alone to babysit, I’m sure everything will be fine. It has even been reported that if a child and a pet grow together, a brotherly or sisterly bond can form.

Photo credit – Molly and Lisa deanwissing

Being pregnant with my first baby was daunting. I was excited, but I think everyone around me was determined to scare me half to death. All I heard were horror stories about sleepless nights, but I consoled myself with reassurance that my baby would be different.

My baby was not different. If anything, my little bundle of joy was fully determined to prove me wrong. Those first few months passed by in a blur as I tried to adjust to my new, regularly interrupted and reduced sleeping pattern.

Of course I expected this. It comes with having babies, right? But I didn’t expect it to go on quite as long as it did. A friend of mine had his daughter around 6 months before I had my son, and he revelled in telling me how she slept through the night within her first few weeks. I turned to friends, family and the internet to find out if there was anything I could do to help baby sleep easier.

The first thing I learned was that breastfed babies tend to sleep more lightly and will probably wake up more often. It was comforting to know that this might at least partially explain why my son was waking so regularly. I also found out that newborns generally sleep for around 8 hours a night, but this can be broken up into periods of just one hour all the way up to 4 or 5 hours at a time.

I had been trying to get my baby into some kind of routine, but apparently in the first months, it’s more beneficial to ‘go with the flow’. Initially, let them sleep when they need to, and they’ll learn the difference between night and day as they get older.

I looked forward to the end of this initial stage, when I hoped I might start to get some sleep again. But as usual, I was wrong! In my case, as my son got older, he began to have less restful nights and I found it difficult to settle him. I was told this was normal, so I tried to pick up some tips on how to get him down for his rest. I was worried that by staying with him for too long as he dropped off, he might become increasingly reliant on me being there as he got older.

So I set up this routine:

• Bedtime at the same time each night. Before bed, feed and bath him. Make sure that he doesn’t go from lively activity straight to bed, giving him time to wind down.
• Put him down to bed, staying with him as he settles down. Always get him settled in the bedroom and not in other, noisier areas in the house.
• Quietly sit in a chair a few feet away from the cot, and leave after a few minutes. If he cries I return, reassure him that I’m there and follow the same procedure.

Eventually, I hope to be able to put him down and be able to leave immediately. When he’s really tired I can do this already, but not all of the time.

Now he’s nearly 2 years old, he regularly sleeps through the night uninterrupted. I can usually get 6 or 7 hours sleep a night, and I’m finally feeling human again!

Photo credit: Abardwell on Flickr

Having read all the books and even studied language at university, I thought I knew when my boy should start talking, so when those first words didn’t arrive as soon as I expected, I immediately began to worry.

Babies will usually start vocalising and making sounds when they’re just a month or two old. I listened out carefully, waiting for my son to start making some noise. But for most of his first year, the only sounds he wanted to make involved screaming and crying. To give him credit, he was extremely good at it!

I learned that the next stage was supposed to involve babbling — where babies start to produce the sounds of the language without attaching any meaning to them. And yet, soon after my baby turned one, he still wasn’t making much noise at all, let alone recognisable sounds.

The most disconcerting part around this time was meeting up with friends and their babies, who were developing nicely through these stages. I noticed in particular that one of my friend’s little girls was already speaking a few words before she’d even turned one. That’s when my panic set in!

The first thing I had checked was my baby’s hearing. But I was confident he didn’t have a hearing problem, as he often responded to his name and the noises going on around him. As suspected, his hearing was fine, and in all other ways he seemed perfectly alert. He didn’t speak much, but he definitely seemed to understand a lot. For example, he would get excited at the mention of ‘swimming’, ‘banana bread’ or ‘we’re going to Nanny’s’.

I was assured by my mum and many parents around me who’d had children before, that all babies develop at different rates and that I shouldn’t worry so much. So I gave it some more time, and sure enough, it came to him eventually. In the past 6 months he has been babbling and saying quite a few words, the very first of which I’m delighted to report was ‘cat’! He obviously takes after his mum, and loves nothing more than giving our big, friendly moggy a cuddle. He’s even started to learn sign language from Mr. Tumble, star of CBeebies show ‘Something Special’. However, he usually just uses it to tell me he wants to watch more Mr. Tumble!

So just bear in mind, if your baby hasn’t started talking as quickly as someone else’s, try not to panic. Babies develop at very different rates, but if you have any concerns, your doctor should always be able to ease them for you.

Photo credit: Joostassink via Flickr

It’s a widely accepted opinion that men are fundamentally confused about “what women want”. But, believe it or not, I think it becomes even more complicated once that woman becomes a mother. 
 
Motherhood creates such a mix of emotions. It’s a strange combination of exhaustion and excitement, simple joy and complete frustration, unconditional love and unlimited worrying. With everything linking back to the fact it’s hard to balance your own personal wants and needs with everything you want and need for your child. 
 
You recognise that you need down time- having a break is going to make you a better mom. Everyone agrees. But, with that “break” comes such a feeling of guilt. “My mother didn’t have such a luxury”. “How does having pretty toes make me a better mom?” “How can having time for myself be more important than having time with my son?” But, with all of these questions and doubts comes the reassurance that everyone needs their own time- even your baby. 
 
Recharging is more important than ever. In modern, Western society we are bombarded with messages. The new TV adverts for Bing illustrate it perfectly. So, it’s not just a break from motherhood, but it’s a chance to digest the million messages coming at you all day. It’s a chance to breathe and actually look forward to starting again.

Why is it that seeing little babies makes me feel sad? How can I really miss that stage? If anything I am having more fun now than any time over the past 7 months, but yet, every time I receive a birth announcement or thank you card and see those tiny fingers and toes my eyes get ever so slightly glossy.

I know that part of it is the sadness that comes with your baby growing up and not needing you so much anymore.  While there’s a great freedom that comes with not getting up all night or being able to leave your bundle of joy with a sitter for a few hours, there is also a sense that your role in their life has somehow lessened- however true or not.

And for me, I think another part of it is, did I do everything right? Seven months into motherhood I’ve started to think back over the past seven months and wonder how the decisions I’ve made have affected my son. Was letting him sleep in my bed for the first three months a problem? Should I have used some formula? Did I cuddle him too much?

In my heart I of course know I did my best. We still have our own birth announcement on the shelf and when I look at it I see a really sweet, happy baby. And, I think that’s the best judge.  As long as I see that beautiful smile every day I have to believe I’m doing something right.

One of the first things we did after finding out we were pregnant was to register for the NCT classes in our area. Everyone I had spoken to about pregnancy in the UK raved about their own wonderful NCT experiences, especially the opportunity to meet other couples preparing for the arrival of their Little One. And I’m happy to report I was not disappointed. While nothing really prepares you for the experience of giving birth, our classes gave me a heightened awareness of the importance of listening to my body, instincts and baby.

And as an added bonus, I now how the most amazing group of women to call on for excellent baby advice. It’s the best kind of advice because it’s simply based on experience. What works for baby Ella may not for baby Sander and what’s right for one mother may not be for another but we share openly and candidly and completely without judgement…because we know we’re all just trying to do our best.

I’m consistently inspired by the other mother’s in our group. I love the little foot picture on baby Oliver’s birth announcement and couldn’t help by copy the sweet verse on baby Clara’s thank you card. “How beautiful a day can be when kindness touches it” This wonderful group of women have shared endless kindness with me and I look forward to repaying the favour for many years to come. I’m already thinking about 1^st birthday invitations….