Friday 15 January 2010 by By Jill Sikkens

Although I am still basking in the enjoyment of sleeping in my own bed, all night (after 7 months of breastfeeding on demand), I am surprised to be finding myself ever so slightly envious of friends with new borns or new baby bumps. I joke about how tired and fat and grumpy and generally uncomfortable during my pregnancy I can’t deny it was also one of the most wonderful experiences in my life. I might have the worst memory in the UK but I will always remember those first movements- of knowing that that was my baby, growing inside of me. The joy and excitement and love that moment gave me are something I will treasure forever.

So, I guess it’s natural when I see those little fingers and toes to have a longing to go back in time- if only for a moment. I received a photo birth announcement from one of my dearest friends this week and my eyes actually watered.  Her personalised baby card came right from the heart and touched mine very deeply. Seeing her newly born daughter, snuggling against the warmth of her chest, knowing how cold and snowy the rest of the country was, was breath taking.

Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing I love better than the sound of my son’s laughter, knowing that he is truly happy and not just making a random noise. But, I do miss those quite moments we use to share, when he was so new and so needy. When he would snuggle close to me and know that he was safe and loved and could fall to sleep in the gentle rocking of my arms. When he was still learning to feed and would trust his instincts to find the right way. I guess we’re both still trusting our instincts.

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